I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
