Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't think brook has ever known best
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
