Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Green mimosas i think yes
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
