so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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