A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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