Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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