When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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