Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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