I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
