you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
