evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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