marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
