Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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