i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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