who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
