We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
