He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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