omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
