I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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