I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
