I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she was so not down for the gang bang
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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