It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if you like me you must not know who I am
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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