You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
