watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
