Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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