I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
