You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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