I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
