am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
