the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
