i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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