I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He did a backflip because drugs
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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