Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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