Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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