Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
