make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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