everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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