I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize