Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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