afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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