Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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