omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't put those talents on a resume
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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