I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
