I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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