I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
