don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize