I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
