They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
