Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i will never coherently bang her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
