did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
