i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
