I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
