Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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