I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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