we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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