my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
