I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They have beer where we have blood.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
