cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
