she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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