I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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