just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize