You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
