you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
