remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
