it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
