Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize