I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
