I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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