I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
