Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
