just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
