i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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