My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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